Library Times

So, we went to the library today for Storytime and I'm pretty sure most moms out there are usually attentive to their children while in a public place, but I'm still a little surprised at how many times my children have been hit or pushed by others while enjoying the library children's area.

Today Lukas got a swat from another boy about his age, just for the heck of it apparently. The little boy just ambled right up to Lukas and swatted him in the head as a friendly hello, or that's the only reason I can come up with for his little boy action. The mom was looking at books not 5 feet away, and not looking at her son. Lukas was as surprised as me and he looked over at me wondering why he just got bonked in the head. It wasn't hard enough to make him cry though and for that I'm grateful. The boy's mom looked over just as he was about to swat Lukas again and intervened by saying, "No, no. That's not nice." Then she picked him up and took him away. Whew! I felt better. Mother Bear subsided.

Other times in the past, Jeriah has been pushed down, hit hard enough to make him be scared of the other children, and had books and other items snatched away from him. Lukas doesn't have awesome balance and sometimes a slight push can make him topple over. He has been pushed over by other children his age countless times, sometimes just for the heck of it. Maybe they get a power trip over being able to push the little guy down. Who knows. He's also had little girls take an immediate liking to him and consequently they try to stake their claim on being able to order him around. He just looks innocently at them and does his own thing, and those little girls continue to boss him around as if he were their personal live doll. He has also gotten kisses, his hands grabbed and then used to tow him around, and faces have appeared not even an inch away from his face as little girls fawn all over him. He is cute, but come on girls! He's a little young for you. Jeriah doesn't get this treatment. He gets the rough and tumble crowd most of the time.

Some of you may be wondering why I take my children to the library at all if they are subject to all kinds of kid-like violence. Well, they still love going, and I am always right there with my kids to break up anything that might get too intimate. I do, however, wonder at how many kids feel so comfortable laying their hands on a stranger in either harshness or kindness. And at how many moms seem so clueless about their kid's behavior. Most of the time the kids that are hitting or shoving are the kids whose moms aren't paying any attention to their whereabouts. Those kids are really smart and know they will get away with it because mom isn't there to scold them. So they take liberties and have a ball trying to be bullies, at surprisingly young ages.

It's a study of interest to me now. What makes kids feel comfortable treating other kids that way? What drives them to hit for no reason? Why do they take strange pleasure being in control of another random kid's actions, as in Lukas' case with the girls that want him to be their doll? And why are mothers not aware of what their child is doing? Do they not really care as long as they aren't crying or making anyone else cry? Or do they really not know?

Storytime is a favorite place for both Jeriah and Lukas and we won't stop going. I have, however, felt the desire (but have never acted on this desire) to pull a mom aside and tell her that her child is a bully, rampaging through the throng of other little children. Or at least tell her she needs to keep a better eye on him in public places. But then I check myself. I know that I just might be in her shoes one day and my judgements are very ungrounded. I don't know anything about these people, their circumstances, the challenges and issues they are dealing with. Then I begin to feel charitable to these moms who are raising children who can be difficult. It's not like mine are never difficult. Also, my children will go through much worse in the world and it's not the end of the world if another child is mean to one of mine. Every person has challenges, every child has challenges, and I don't mean to judge. I struggle with the overprotectiveness that all mothers seem to have about their children. I even struggle with my "Mother Bear" side when Jeriah unintentionally hurts Lukas. Wouldn't it be great if every single little boy and girl treated my boys with the utmost respect and love all the time and they never ever had to deal with any kind of pain or disappointment?

No, I know that would never do. I hope that if I end up being one of those moms one day, one of those moms that has to chase her child around the library keeping his hands off of every other kid in the room, I hope other moms give me the benefit of the doubt and trust that I'm doing my very best at raising my children up right, even in the midst of dealing with hard and frustrating issues. I have gotten negative comments from strangers at times about my parenting skills, and those comments were never welcomed or asked for. I felt completely judged. I would hate to ever make another mom feel that way.

So, at the library, when a mom realizes that her child had just hit or shoved one of mine, and she looks at me apologetically, I just smile at her and say "It's ok." Then, I feel for her in my heart because she probably feels worse about it than I do.