Honesty

Today, Lukas decided to play with our calendar on the wall, the kind where you can put a number card in a pocket for each day of the month. His latest thing has been putting the number in the pocket each day when he wakes up, but tonight he wanted to put the 19 on Wednesday. I finally got him to realize he would want to put a card in tomorrow so he might want to wait. Well, then he decided to dilly dally in putting that card away, which resulted in one corner of the calendar falling off the wall while he was holding it up.

He froze into place and started crying and yelling for me to help him, afraid that if he moved the entire calendar would come falling on top of him. I knew if he let go then it would hang by just one corner and it would be all right, but he just wouldn't agree to that. I was feeding Jesse and couldn't just come running to help him out, so Lukas and I had this little conversation...

Lukas: "Mommy, I need help!"

Mom: "I can't help you right now, but you can just let go and it will be just fine."

Lukas: "NO! I NEED HELP!" followed by another bout of panicky crying.

Mom: "Well, you can just let go and get down, or you can stand there and keep crying about it."

Lukas: "I want to keep crying about it!" followed by more crying.

Well, he proceeded to stand there and do what he wanted, which was cry and cry until I was able to get to him.

And I had to laugh.

It got me thinking though. I realized today that he has this ability to be honest with us about how he feels and he wants to be the one in control of his feelings. For instance, if he's cranky and either Taylor or I try to make him smile or laugh, he will give us a tiny little smile but then he will start crying again because he doesn't want to be happy yet.

Another story.

Lukas and I were in the car and Lukas had dropped his toy on the floor. He couldn't get it, and I couldn't get it, and that caused him to be upset. Not crying or anything, but just scowling. Well, I began playing peek-a-boo with him to get him to forget about the toy and be happy again. He put up with it for a little while, but he finally said, "No, Mommy. I don't want to." I asked him if he wanted to be sad, and he promptly said, "Yes." I said OK and left him to his sadness, which didn't last very long. It never does.

He seems to enjoy his emotions. He seems to enjoy feeling them, no matter if they are happy or angry or whatever. If he's feeling it, he wants to feel it and not be distracted. And I think that is amazing. I think it's amazing that he can be so honest with us about how he feels, or wants to keep feeling. He does not push his feelings away. He wears them proudly.

Lukas is an amazing little boy. He is so joyful and happy. It's clear he wants to do good things and make others happy. If I make a sad face, he will come to me and give me a hug. Then he says, "You are happy?" before he walks away. He puts up with Jeriah's bossiness so much better than I expect him to, and he can still stand up for himself when it really matters to him. They hardly ever fight, and that is in large part due to Lukas.

It's a gift he has, and I can't wait to see what good will come of it as he grows up.